Genetic Test

My doctor called me on Tuesday. She finally received the results of the genetic testing from my April D&C. 

Normal girl.

There was nothing wrong with the little bean. 

So what went wrong?  

Did I do something wrong? 

Thinking the pregnancy was non-viable I did dance at the teachers' conference party. I didn't drink. But I did dance. Could that have done it?

A normal girl.

Sigh.

D&C and moving on.

On Thursday I went to Women's Hospital for a D&C. It was emotional. I don't recall the pain but I do recall asking for more medication while in the procedure room. The nurse in the procedure room performed two of my IUIs when I was at that phase in my treatment. She recognized my name. Bummer.

They are sending whatever they collected for testing so I hope I get some answers.

The woman next to me was there for a miscarriage as well. I think she was a recovering addict because she was in real pain but did not want any meds to dull the pain after the procedure. In the end, she did accept some. She was writhing in pain. I could hear her laboured breath.

The day of the procedure I felt quite icky. Quite a bit of bleeding plus the antibiotics they gave me made everything taste like metal. But other than a little spotting and some cramps, everything is fine these past few days.

My RE is leaving our clinic. So another change is on the horizon. We'll be staying at this clinic rather than moving with him. Though he's a great doctor, we haven't become attached to him. Plus we had more interaction with the owner of the clinic. She performed our FET last summer and was the RE for all my ultrasounds, the ER, and ET this cycle. I dreamt last night that we had a new RE. That she was brought from the States to our clinic and was incredibly well respected. Her name was Dr. Willo.ughby. No clue why Willo.ughby but that's the name that was in my dream. We do have a Willo.ughby Heights in our area. Maybe that's why?

This is a strange question but did I miscarry at 6w5days or did I miscarry at 8w5days? We discovered that there was no growth at 6 weeks but the D&C occurred at 8 weeks? Messed up question but I'm curious. I would have been 9w1day today. I know I would have been counting down to the end of my first trimester. The due date would have been the day after my brother's birthday.

Today I start to take care of myself. They weighed me for this procedure and holy f*ck, I've gained a lot of weight. This is far, far from my comfort zone. I think I'm going to take a break on treatments. I was to get healthier because if I do get pregnant at this weight, there will be complications. I think we'll do our last transfer in August. That gives me a few months to lose weight and heal from this loss.

My plan? Go to bed earlier and wake up about 40 mins earlier so that I can walk on my treadmill. When I get home from work, I'm exhausted and exercising is not a priority. As I feel better, I'll probably go back to my walk/run program. I used to run 5 and 10k runs and now I'm a couch potato. I would also like to start yoga. I noticed a new yoga studio is opening just 5 mins from me. I'll check it out and see if they have any grand opening specials. I would like to lose 5 pounds a month which I think is doable. I'll go back to writing down what I eat. When I was on weig.thwatchers years ago, it really worked. It kept me in check. I will not get down on myself. My body has been through a lot these past few years. I could have coped with the disappointment in more healthy ways but that's life. I'm not going to beat myself up for it.

Here comes the rain again

The ultrasound showed no growth.

I expected it and was actually able to enjoy an afternoon out with my husband. We went to our favourite coffee shop. I ordered a delicious americano misto. We went out for sushi at a funky restaurant, shopped for EVOO at the Greek deli, and bought some wine from the specialty liquor store. Even though it was (and still is) pouring rain, it was a comforting. Just what the doctor ordered.

But then I came home and signed onto face.book.

My friend just announced her pregnancy. Ouch! Like a blade to the gut. Sad thing is that she and I started the pregnancy journey at the same time. Well, I started treatments. She started the old fashioned TTC. Her daughter is now 3 and she's expecting a second. I'm really happy for her but man does it hurt! Hurts like ________! (Feel free to fill in the blank.)

The Snail's Pace of a Small Town

I'm always taken aback when I visit my parents. I live in one of the fastest growing cities in Can.ada so when I venture up to north to my small hometown, it is a bit of culture shock. For instance, today I went to the hospital for my third beta. The front clerk seemed a little confused as to why I had two doctors on my requisition.

Yes. She is my G.P.
Yes. He is the doctor who ordered the blood work.
Yes. The results go to both of them.
No. I don't have a doctor here.
No. I've never been here before.
Yes. I'm visiting family.

As she's asking me these questions, the stereo is blaring quite loudly causing her to ask me to repeat my responses several times. Ummm....did professionalism come here to die?

After a twenty minute wait, I was finally called in. The diminutive lab tech asked all the questions to confirm that I was who I claimed to be. Then she asked about why my blood work had "STAT" on it. I explained that it's a pregnancy test to see if my pregnancy is developing.

"Oh! How many weeks are you?"
"Just six weeks."
"Well congratulations! You must be so excited."

How do you explain to the regular fertile world that it's tough to celebrate a pregnancy so soon?That everything hinges on blood work and ultrasounds?

The lab tech did a great job taking my blood (didn't feel a thing) but then she mentioned that the blood work would be sent to the lab in the next community and that I'll get my test results by Wednesday. Wednesday? I've become accustomed to getting results the same day. I fly home on Wednesday. I hope to have my results before then.

I'm not sure if the symptoms I'm feeling are as a result of a pregnancy or the progesterone. Breasts are crazy sore. I feel nauseous as if there is always something just as the back of my throat. Yesterday I was eating a sandwich for breakfast, and suddenly it tasted horrible! Like fish - it was turkey and Swiss cheese. I started to gag and almost threw up. My complexion has been horrible. I rarely breakout but have been having to deal with acne lately. Recently, I've had a metallic-like taste in my mouth like iron or blood. I've had quite a bit of mild cramping especially in the morning. Last Friday, I did experience some spotting. My clinic told me to put my feet up and relax. It stopped after a while and I haven't had any spotting since. And now, I feel a migraine brewing. Typically I have migraines when I'm about to get my period - the surge in hormones. Obviously, if I'm still pregnant, there is a whirlwind of hormones surging though my body. I'm not sure if progesterone can explain all these symptoms.

And now I wait again. I hope that the lab gets those results in sooner than Wednesday. Fingers crossed that my levels have continued to double.

Great White North

If you long for peace and quiet, I recommend a trip to northern B.C. I've only been here a day and I'm already bored with the slow pace of life. I love visiting my parents but this sleepy town is too sleepy.

Plus, it's freezing up here! Granted it was chilly in the lower mainland when I left but it's snowing up here! What's that all about? Isn't it supposed to be Spring? it was as if someone had put this town in a snow globe and shook it up. And honestly, living in the lower mainland, I haven't seen snow since November. Ugh..

I told my parents. Like Sweets and me, they're cautious about celebrating. My mother had two miscarriages before having my brother so she understands how delicate the situation can be. I can sense how excited she is but she's definitely holding it in. My dad was very much like my dad. He looked at me and said, "Good. That's good news."

I went by the hospital today to ask when I should go in on Monday for my blood work. I have to remind myself, the pace of life is very different here. She told me to come in between 1-2pm because that's when things slow down. In the morning, priority is given to people who have fasted the night before. So coming in at 7am simply means I'll be waiting until all the priority tests have been administered. I told the clerk that I can't have it at 1pm as the clinic likes to have their results earlier in the day. She then recommended that I come in at 10am and bring a book. Since she could sense my urgency, she did offer to have me do the blood test today. Tempting but I refused.

I hope the clinic will get the results in a timely fashion. Normally I can go online and see my results. With this being at the hospital and not my regular lab, I will only get my results when the clinic calls. Pins and needles. That's what I'll be sitting on!

I've noticed that my breasts have become more tender. Absolutely zero tenderness up until 2 days ago. That's one of the reasons why I didn't think this cycle had worked (well on top of the absolute gush I experienced). I've noticed slight cramping and twinges as well.

Next week is going to be anxiety ridden. On Monday, my third beta results. Then on Thursday, I have my ultrasound. I've already been having bad dreams of bleeding and empty sacs. I really wish I could be like a regular woman who has discovered she's pregnant. Do regular fertile women have such dreams? Do they worry about their first ultrasounds as much as we, the infertile, do? Do you think that the knowledge we've accumulated during our fertility journeys increases our levels of paranoia?

You've got to be kidding!

Received my second beta today.

Good thing I'm not a Math teacher. I thought doubling time was every 24 hours, but I guess it has to double every 48 hours.

My beta came back at 555.

Wowzers.

I'm pregnant. It was 45 six days ago. The doubling time is 1.7 days. Is that good? Is that on par?

I cant believe I'm freaking pregnant!

Limbo Continues

Limbo sucks.

The clinic has asked me to continue with my progesterone until Monday when I get my next beta. I don't know why, but my clinic has patients do their betas a week apart. I was hoping I could go in sooner. The cramps have stopped. The spotting somewhat continues.

I have big union meeting this weekend. I'm not much of a unionista but after our rather messy battle with the provincial government last year, I decided to get more involved mainly because I want to gather information and make decisions myself. I'm not keen on the "spin" some union reps give me. Anyway, I was hoping for a firm "yah" or "nay" on the viability before this weekend. I don't want spend the whole weekend with the second beta on the back of my mind.

If it doubles from the last beta it would be around *2880. Not sure if it'll get there but it's possible. One woman on the ivf.ca forum had 46 as her first beta, was told to expect to miscarry, but then her numbers climbed. She's due next week. So it is possible but I'm not getting my hopes up too much.

HPT Update.

After yesterday's "holy crap" moment, I went and purchased two FRER. I don't know how I didn't take the test last night but I held back. Sweets wanted me to but I refused. I wanted to wait until the morning.

Guess what?

Two lines. Two freaking lines.

It's very faint again. But unlike the cheapie test from yesterday, I could see the line developing quite quickly. Yesterday, it wasn't there, hence the tossing in the bin.

How can I possibly be pregnant after a full of period? Granted the flow never became icky and clotty like it normally does. It remained quite pinkish red all throughout. But the fact that I bled so strong, and for so long causes me pause. Could this be a repeat of the chemical pregnancy of last August? The line is quite pale but it's there.

I think FRER tests anything at 25. So since it's so pale, does it mean that my levels are low? That concerns me. My beta is on Tuesday so I'll know what's up then. My clinic likes to see numbers over 100 for their betas. With my last beta is was in the low 40s, did not double, and was not viable.

Has anyone ever had faint line but had a viable pregnancy?

Wow. This is all so incredibly messed up. If I was a "regular" fertile person, the faint line wouldn't phase me. Sad how infertility warps so many things in our lives.

Well ladies, please send me any good wishes, vibes, or prayers you can. I definitely need them!

What kind of a mind f**k is this?

Today is 9dp5dt. Just for sh*ts and giggles I took at HPT. It was immediately one line. I threw it in the bin.

Well the clinic returned my call and asked that I continue with my progesterone - I didn't take it this morning. So, even though my mind was saying "Screw it! Save the progesterone for the FET" I went upstairs and took it. Then something told me to look at the cheapie HPT test I took.

There are two freaking lines! The control one is super dark, but there is an incredibly faint second line. It's faint but it's there. It's there. WTF does this mean?! Is it the trigger shot? Could I actually be pregnant even though I've been bleeding like there's no tomorrow? What the heck is going on?

Ladies? Advice? Have you ever heard of this before? A full bleed but a positive (albeit faint) HPT?

What a freaking mind game this all is!

That Sinking Feeling

I woke this morning with that horrible sinking feeling that this cycle didn't work. Now before you tell me I'm silly and that it's too early to know, I have my reasons.

The dreaded AF is due tomorrow. My cycles have shortened in the past few months and AF has been visiting regularly on day 26, which is tomorrow. Always before my period, I get a headache. Well yesterday the headache arrived.

When I did get pregnant last summer, my breasts were incredibly tender. This morning, the tenderness wasn't there. They've been tender since I started my stimulation and suddenly, it stopped.

In this stupid journey I've had tons of time to reflect in how many body feels. Everything I'm feeling tells me it didn't work.

I sincerely hope that I'm wrong. Please let me be wrong.

Embryo Update

This is just a quick note to say that of the seven embryos that were still being cultured, they were able to freeze one. The embryologist stated that it was an "excellent expanded blastocyst." It's the same grade as one of the blasts transferred yesterday - 4BB. So if you look at the photos of the embryos from yesterday - sorry about the massive pic size, I'm learning how to use blogger on my mobile device and at that time had no clue how to resize the pics - the expanded blastocyst is the bigger of the two. While I'm mildly disappointed that only one made it, I'm still ecstatic that we have one waiting.

There have been quite a few BFPs at my clinic lately. One the IVF board that I contribute to, almost every person who cycled in Jan/Feb has gotten pregnant. Here's hoping I don't end that awesome winning streak!

Otherwise, not too much to report. I'm sure I'll be on symptom watch 2013 for the next few weeks.

A 5 Day What?

I shouldn't have gone into work yesterday.  I really shouldn't have.  The recovery from this retrieval has been a lot longer than my past retrievals.  Believe me, I have no martyr complex. But I do take my job rather seriously.  Well, more like I'm such a narcissist.  I think my classroom will fall apart if I'm not there. 

 My venture into work yesterday had less to do with fears of classroom chaos and more to do with my student teacher.  She's been struggling. In fact, I worry that only 3 weeks into her practicum that she's plateaued.  Lately her planning has been shoddy. Her delivery of the lesson has been dry. Her clarity of instructing has been confusing.  I knew that her faculty advisor was coming in to give her a "notice of concern."  Essentially she needs to improve over the next week or she'll be removed from the class and have to take additional courses.  I really didn't want to go into work but I knew she would need some support after her meeting.  And I was right.  After the tears were shed, the two of us sat down and planned a lesson together. I wanted her to see my thinking when it comes to planning a lesson. How to scaffold skills. How to provide feedback in an instant.  When we were done, I *think* she got it.  Hopefully this week she'll find her stride.

For me, yesterday was uncomfortable. Walking down the halls, the stairs, I could feel every twinge.  I decided to take the rest of the week off.  While I know it's for the best, I feel so much guilt about not being in my classroom. 

This morning I received the call from the embryologist. The embryos are progressing well - "very good" were her words.  As a result, they're pushing my transfer to day 5.  What?! I've never had a day 5 transfer.  Needless to say, I'm in shock.   To be honest, I half expected a day 2 transfer and assumed it would be a day 3.  Perhaps all those supplements really did help? 

Deception

I know the title sounds oh so intriguing but really it's not.

On several occasions, when I've gone in for my RE visits, scans and so forth, the doctors question my age.  This morning the RE looked at me and asked my age. She seemed shocked to hear that I would be turning 41 in May.

It's nothing new.

Most people are deceived by my appearance. I'm often told I look in my early 30s rather than my early 40s.  Perhaps that's why for some, when the issue of children comes up in conversation, they often say to me "Oh, you've got tons of time."  Little do they know that we've been on this IF journey for about 5 years now and really, age hasn't much to do with it.  Well, it does now but when we started TTC it wasn't about age.

On top of complimenting my youthful appearance, the doctor also commented on my "picture perfect" uterus.  I've heard that before!  My right ovary is the dominant one with approximately 6 follicles - 3 at 17mm and the rest varying from 13-15.  The left side, once again, is taking its own sweet time.  All of the follicles are between 13-15mm. I believe there were only 4 on that side.  As a result, the doctor asked that I stim for one more day (today) and return tomorrow for another u/s.

Saturday will be retrieval and I'm not sure when our transfer will be.  People at the clinic have had 2 day, 3 day, and 5 day transfers.  I guess it all depends on the embryos. Emergency ICSI is on the table but seeing as how we didn't need it for our last IVF, I'm hoping we won't need it this time either.

I'm tired of needles and am so looking forward to this portion of the cycle to be over. Ugh.

Good to go

Today is CD 1.  In the past few months, my cycle has shortened by two days.  For as long as I can remember, my cycle has been 28 days.  I don't know what's going on.  I know that my other RE stated that I should only be concerned if the length is longer not shorter.  

Anyway, it's CD 1 so I called it into my clinic.  It took a while for them to get back to me but they finally did at 3pm.  The nurse seemed a little confused as to why I was calling.  "Are you calling in your CD 1 to start your est.race priming?"  Huh?  Priming?  What was she talking about?  "No.  I've been on est.race since Feb 2nd.  I'm calling in my CD 1 to start my injections."  It appears that the nurse who took my call last time did not put it into my chart.  In a previous post, I mentioned that a number of REs left to start a new clinic.  With their departure, a number of nurses and other staff joined them.  It's not excusable but perhaps the last nurse was one of the ones leaving and was sloppy with her work?  I don't know.  I can't even recall her name. All I remember from that conversation was that I was to start my meds on the 2nd and that she called me sweetie.  

Grumpy nurse was annoyed that my last cycle had not been put into their system and seemed to be transferring the annoyance to me.  Sorry.  Not my fault that your colleague didn't do her work.  I'm doing everything right on my side.  

I was concerned that since they didn't have all my husband's blood work, we would be told to hold off but thankfully Grumpy nurse gave us the go ahead to start injections tomorrow.  Whew!  

So tomorrow I give myself my first injection of Men.opur.  Never done that before.  Quite nervous.    

This is what the next bit looks like:

Days 1-4 Meno.pur 225iu AM + Pure.gon 225iu PM. 

On day 5 I take the morning injection and then get blood work done.  They'll let me know how much I need of the evening dosage and if I need to start Orga.lutran.  

Wish me luck ladies.  This is our last kick at the IVF can.   

IVF 3.0 Delayed?

When we transferred to the new clinic the RE asked that we do a set of blood work as we were new patients. In December we got the requisitions and early January I got mine done.  I have constantly reminded Sweets about the blood tests and the new sperm analysis that needs to be done.

He kept putting them off.

Last Thursday I picked up my meds and the nurse stated, "You will not be given the okay to start injections until DH's blood work is in." Ugh!  So needless to say, I was pissed.  Sweets received a rather nasty phone call from me demanding he get to the lab IMMEDIATELY and get his blood tests done.  He wanted to wait until Friday but I insisted.   This is a long weekend you see. Who knows when the lab will get to his blood work?

My period is due soon. Because of his procrastinating, I may have to wait another freaking month to start my cycle.

I am not a happy camper.

Countdown starts

Called in my surge today.  Next Saturday I begin taking Estrace.  Soon after, the injections begin again. 

I'm not worried about the injections.  Those don't stress me out.  I am worried about the financial aspect this time.  Paying for this cycle is going to mean quite a few months of doing without and monthly deposits on my line of credit.  For Christmas this year, my mother bought me a Heart & Stro.ke Foun.dation Calendar.  For some families, it's diabetes or cancer; in my family we have a history of stroke.  Money from purchase of the calendar goes to the foundation.  Every day there is $3000 give away.  Every Friday, a $10,000 and once a month both a holiday jackpot of $12,000 and end of month $20,000.  I keep hoping that we'll hit one of those jackpots.  It would definitely reduce the stress when it comes to thinking about paying for this cycle.  Ugh.

Speaking of stress, it appears that the clinic is going through some major adjustments.  The doctors who actually founded the clinic are moving on and starting a brand new clinic.  Apparently one of the REs took over the clinic and is hiring two more for the States.  Thankfully my RE is remaining.  But it's a little disconcerting when 4 of the REs move on. What could have possibly happened to lead the founders of the clinic to leave?  I would assume that it would be somewhat like abandoning your child. As long as the level of care is maintained, I'm staying.  And hopefully after this IVF treatment, I won't need to use their clinic again.  When I was young, I assumed I would have 2 or 3 children.  Now, I know I'm fortunate if I can have one healthy little boy or girl.  

I'm sure once my cycle gets underway, I'll be back to blogging on a more frequent basis.   Until then, good night and adieu!  

Question about CoQ 10

My doctor recommended 600mg of CoQ10 daily. I know it's supposed to have a positive effect on ovaries and the theory is that it can reverse the aging.  I've been on it for a few years now but have only been using the prescribed CoQ10 since November.  I'm also taking myso-inositol, melatonin, and folic acid.  (Study on myo-inostitol, folic acid, and melatonin and egg quality.)  Since starting the prescribed CoQ10, my cycles have been a little off.  Typically I'm like clockwork.  Every 28 days Aunt Flo visits.  Now since the CoQ10, my cycles have been shorter.  Twenty-six days, twenty-seven days.  And now, only twenty-three days in, I'm already spotting.  If so, then my IVF cycle will be moved up a week or so.    

My question:  Can CoQ10 shorten a cycle?

New Year. New Clinic. Old Doubts.

When I was little, I thought that in the year 2013 we would all be in flying cars or using teleportation to travel the world.  While we're still far away from flying cars and such, it doesn't seem like it's so far away.  Everything in Sta.r Tr.ek seems like a possibility.  Hopefully women in 2033 won't struggle with pregnancy as so many women do today.  Hopefully there will a be a sure fire way to make sure that only those who choose not to have children will be childless.  

This month I start my final attempt at IVF.  Sweets and I always stated that we would give it three attempts and this is our last one.  We had our meeting with the nurse at the clinic last month to go over all the schedule, the medications, and the paperwork.  For some reason, though I've done this before, it all seems more convoluted and is causing more anxiety than before.  There is more medication to be taken and the costs are so much more than the public clinic I went to before.  I have an appointment at the clinic tomorrow for a hysteroscopy.  At that time, I can ask for more clarification on my schedule and the blood tests I need before we get started.   

Even though I'm confused, this is what I do know:

• When we had an ultrasound on Dec 17th, they found 8-9 follicles.  Not a lot but average for a 40 years apparently.  I was at the end of my cycle.  Does that make a difference?   
• In January, I'll begin using estrace.
• In mid-Feb, I begin menopur (never used it before) and puregon.  
• Though I was a high responder at my old clinic, for some reason they feel that I'll need a lot of meds now?  I'm a little confused about this part.  I guess they're assuming with my age, I'll need high doses of medication.  Can so much change in a couple of years?  How do I go from moderate doses to high doses?  Perhaps they're just playing it by ear until they see how I respond. 
• First week of March is the estimated time for retrieval .   

I know it's been a while since I've posted or even read up on the blogs.  Like many, when I'm not in the midst of treatments, I don't want to think about infertility.  It's too painful.  I've tried to just live my life these past few months.  And in that time, 4 of my high school classmates have given birth - they're all the same age as me.  Three boys and one girl.  I've got to believe that this will happen for us.  That Sweets and I will be parents one day.  There is so much anxiety around this one because it is the last attempt.  If this doesn't work, then Sweets and I will have to make peace with the fact that we'll never be parents.  I pretend to be okay with it but I'm not.   

I noticed that some bloggers may have left.  Does anyone know if Evelyn is still around?  I tried to find her blog, but couldn't. 

Happy New Year everyone.  

On the plus side, our house got the vasilopita coin.  Good luck? 

And the world keeps on turning

Every time I'm on here, I feel the need to apologize for my lack of blogging.  In all honesty, other than the IF stuff in my life, everything is rather mundane.  I have my routines.  Each morning I wake up at 6:15am.  I shower, get dressed, put on my makeup, feed the cats, make my oatmeal and tea, and drive to work.  And while the classes and lessons differ, it's pretty routine there as well. 
Boring.
Mundane. 
Routine. 
I like it.  It's predictable.  I feel like I can control all those outcomes.  Even in a class of 30 very diverse students, I feel like it's all under control  I tend to have a great relationship with my classes so I worry very little about classroom management.  Even the student whose IEP states "disrespectful to female teachers" works well in my room.  (hope I didn't just jinx that!) 

So it really messes with my mind that the only thing I can't control is the one thing I so desperately want to.  A little bit of chaos at work, keeps me on my toes. But infertility is a tornado that constantly lands in my household without warning.  As soon as I've cleaned up, patched up, or renovated the place, another tornado hits.  Frustrating. 

I shared with my friend B that I had a miscarriage in August.  I haven't spoken with too many people about it.  Why bring them down?  B, you may recall, is due next week - on the 25th.  She's one of my preggo friends that doesn't irritate the heck out of me.  Her BFFS have organized a surprise baby shower for next week. Personally I think it's ridiculous to have a baby shower so close to her due date for a variety of reasons.

1. many first time mothers are late.
2. if the baby is early, mommy needs time to adjust to being a mommy.
3. people want to cuddle the baby.  a really newborn is so freaking new.  don't know how much it'll tolerate "pass the baby" at a shower. 

But, I was ignored.  Apparently that date worked out for everyone else.  Yes.  Let's take our needs into consideration but not the new mommy.  Ugh..whatever.  I'll go along with their freaking reindeer games even though I think they're being illogical.   

Anyway, my "WTF do we do now?" appointment with Dr. N is in early October.  I hope he has some answers.  I hope that we can do IVF 3.0 in November but I'm not sure with the timing and such.  My cycle is still pretty much like clockwork. TMI Alert! I found it odd that when I miscarried, I hardly bleed.  It was like a regular cycle - 2-3 days.  This past cycle was the heaviest cycle I've had in a long time.  I was bleeding for a good 5 days with 2 of them being very heavy.  I guess the uterus really clean up that last time.

On the plus side of things, Sweets just landed a pretty high profile contract.  If all works out, his work will be seen by millions on an Amer.ican television station.  Fingers crossed that this is the break gets him into the Amer.ican fi.lm and tele.vision market.   

Well, I must go back to marking compositions on the Treaty of Versailles and the League of Nations.  I know you're all jealous, aren't you? ;)  With that, I'll leave you with my song du jour. 

   

 

Oh. Come on!

I know that IVF messes with your cycle.  I know this, but man am I frustrated/worried/concerned that I haven't had my LH surge yet.  Since CD 11, I've been using clear.blue to monitor my ovulation and have been testing.  There's been a faint second line since that first day, but it appears to be fading.  WTF?  Fading?  Did I ovulate super early?  I did experience increased CM about 3 days ago but that's reduced now.  Am I not going to ovulate at all?  Tomorrow is CD 16 and it's my last testing strip.  Just ovulate already! 

On Friday we had our staff "welcome back" party at a colleague's house.  About a month ago, one our colleagues married.  With marriage inevitably comes the question, "When are you going to have babies?"  I think she handled it well.  Others were joking, "Oh you'll be pregnant in a year."  And she said, "Only if it's a surprise."  Another lady popped up and said, "Aren't all babies a surprise?"  The majority of the women started to agree and I felt compelled to say something.  "No not really.  Not all babies are surprises."  Some of my close friends at work know what we're dealing with but this lady is the wife of a colleague so she has no clue about my fertility struggles.  For some reason she felt the need to repeat, "All babies are surprises."  And once again I said, "No.  Not all babies are surprises.  Some are incredibly planned."  Thankfully the topic shifted to something else after that.  I truly hope my friend doesn't have any issues conceiving when she finally makes the decision to do so.  Infertility is something I wouldn't wish on anyone.