And the world keeps on turning

Every time I'm on here, I feel the need to apologize for my lack of blogging.  In all honesty, other than the IF stuff in my life, everything is rather mundane.  I have my routines.  Each morning I wake up at 6:15am.  I shower, get dressed, put on my makeup, feed the cats, make my oatmeal and tea, and drive to work.  And while the classes and lessons differ, it's pretty routine there as well. 
Boring.
Mundane. 
Routine. 
I like it.  It's predictable.  I feel like I can control all those outcomes.  Even in a class of 30 very diverse students, I feel like it's all under control  I tend to have a great relationship with my classes so I worry very little about classroom management.  Even the student whose IEP states "disrespectful to female teachers" works well in my room.  (hope I didn't just jinx that!) 

So it really messes with my mind that the only thing I can't control is the one thing I so desperately want to.  A little bit of chaos at work, keeps me on my toes. But infertility is a tornado that constantly lands in my household without warning.  As soon as I've cleaned up, patched up, or renovated the place, another tornado hits.  Frustrating. 

I shared with my friend B that I had a miscarriage in August.  I haven't spoken with too many people about it.  Why bring them down?  B, you may recall, is due next week - on the 25th.  She's one of my preggo friends that doesn't irritate the heck out of me.  Her BFFS have organized a surprise baby shower for next week. Personally I think it's ridiculous to have a baby shower so close to her due date for a variety of reasons.

1. many first time mothers are late.
2. if the baby is early, mommy needs time to adjust to being a mommy.
3. people want to cuddle the baby.  a really newborn is so freaking new.  don't know how much it'll tolerate "pass the baby" at a shower. 

But, I was ignored.  Apparently that date worked out for everyone else.  Yes.  Let's take our needs into consideration but not the new mommy.  Ugh..whatever.  I'll go along with their freaking reindeer games even though I think they're being illogical.   

Anyway, my "WTF do we do now?" appointment with Dr. N is in early October.  I hope he has some answers.  I hope that we can do IVF 3.0 in November but I'm not sure with the timing and such.  My cycle is still pretty much like clockwork. TMI Alert! I found it odd that when I miscarried, I hardly bleed.  It was like a regular cycle - 2-3 days.  This past cycle was the heaviest cycle I've had in a long time.  I was bleeding for a good 5 days with 2 of them being very heavy.  I guess the uterus really clean up that last time.

On the plus side of things, Sweets just landed a pretty high profile contract.  If all works out, his work will be seen by millions on an Amer.ican television station.  Fingers crossed that this is the break gets him into the Amer.ican fi.lm and tele.vision market.   

Well, I must go back to marking compositions on the Treaty of Versailles and the League of Nations.  I know you're all jealous, aren't you? ;)  With that, I'll leave you with my song du jour. 

   

 

Holiday, hurricane, and hope

I seem to have this horrible habit of hiding after an unsuccessful cycle.  While I know that I should use this space as a place to vent and to express myself, for some reason I choose to hide and repress.  I haven't really thought too much about the chemical pregnancy.  I avoid talking about it.  I don't know if it's my coping mechanism but I don't want to talk about it.  When I do, it's almost like an aside.  I bring it up in a casual "Oh yah, and I had a miscarriage."  How messed up am I?  

I haven't had my WTF appointment with my RE yet.  He's on holidays and doesn't get back until the 10th.  So I have to call then to make my next appointment.  I would like to do my next fresh cycle in November.  I know that this cycle didn't end the way I hoped, but I have to focus on the fact that for the first time ever, I actually got pregnant.  It is possible for me to get pregnant.

I would like to say that my holiday was relaxing and completely enjoyable but it wasn't.  Turns out we were right in the path of Hurricane Ernesto.  In fact, the day the hurricane hit, I started to bleed.  Good times.  I quite enjoy storms - rain storms, thunder storms, wind storms.  So to experience a hurricane was quite interesting.

On the bulletin from the hotel, we were informed that we were to stay in our room from 9pm to 7:30am.  And in the case of the patio door being blown out, we were to put our mattress up against the blown out door and hide in the bathroom.  Great advice except that the wall between our sleeping area and the bathroom had a huge window as well.  It was a fitful night of sleep - the wind and rain thundered down all night.  By the time we woke up, it was still windy, but quite beautiful.  From what I read, there was very little damage done to the surrounding communities and I don't believe that there were any casualties.  Thank goodness.

Beautiful.

Miscarriage and hurricane aside, the rest of the trip consisted of lounging by the pool, drinking copious amounts of alcohol (I think I've had my share of mojitos, lime margaritas, and icebergs - corona w/ lime margarita - for the rest of the year!), swimming with the turtles, and indulging on tasty food.  The resort was beautiful and the service was excellent.  Next time, I must go with my husband.  It was fun but it just didn't feel right without him there.

It hasn't been a relaxing summer.  Normally at this time of year, I feel recharged and ready to teach.  Unfortunately, I don't feel well rested.  I'm exhausted and I hope that doesn't bite me in the butt and I end up burning out this year.