Limbo

Today I visited with my GP.  I was supposed to get my tetanus shots but we decided to hold off.  I informed the office that I thought I was pregnant so they asked me to do a pregnancy test with their office so that they would have it in their records.  

Well, their test came back negative!  Negative!  Does everything have to be such a roller coaster ride for me?  I did 3 HPTs and all 3 were positive.  How is this possible? 

 I'm trying not to fret. The doctor felt positive about it.  She did send me off to get my beta tested but still, it's quite disconcerting.  How can the tests be so different? Is this "pregnancy" all in my head? 

 I'm trying to be positive. A few years ago, a friend of mine had positive home tests but at her doctor's office, it was negative.  Her daughter is now 2 years old. So I'm holding on to hope as that's all that I really have at this point.  

I'll be sure to post my blood test results tomorrow.  

Cross your fingers for me. 

Say a little prayer.

Send out positive energy.  

Please. 

Because I'm skeptical by nature...

I went and bought another HPT.  

It too displays two lines.  I *think* I'm about 22dpo.  My cycle is usually 26-28 days and today is CD 36.  I'm so accustomed to calculating everything post transfer so I feel a little out of sorts. 

Could this really be true? 

 

We're actually pregnant? 

I'm going to take another test in the morning.  I hope that the lines darken.  Unlike my previous pregnancy in March, these lines showed up right away.  In March, I actually threw the cheapie HPT away because it looked negative. 

Please let this be the one. 

Please stay snug in there little guy.  With my dad's recent diagnosis, I desperately want us to become parents and to make my mom and dad grandparents.  

HPT Update.

After yesterday's "holy crap" moment, I went and purchased two FRER. I don't know how I didn't take the test last night but I held back. Sweets wanted me to but I refused. I wanted to wait until the morning.

Guess what?

Two lines. Two freaking lines.

It's very faint again. But unlike the cheapie test from yesterday, I could see the line developing quite quickly. Yesterday, it wasn't there, hence the tossing in the bin.

How can I possibly be pregnant after a full of period? Granted the flow never became icky and clotty like it normally does. It remained quite pinkish red all throughout. But the fact that I bled so strong, and for so long causes me pause. Could this be a repeat of the chemical pregnancy of last August? The line is quite pale but it's there.

I think FRER tests anything at 25. So since it's so pale, does it mean that my levels are low? That concerns me. My beta is on Tuesday so I'll know what's up then. My clinic likes to see numbers over 100 for their betas. With my last beta is was in the low 40s, did not double, and was not viable.

Has anyone ever had faint line but had a viable pregnancy?

Wow. This is all so incredibly messed up. If I was a "regular" fertile person, the faint line wouldn't phase me. Sad how infertility warps so many things in our lives.

Well ladies, please send me any good wishes, vibes, or prayers you can. I definitely need them!

What kind of a mind f**k is this?

Today is 9dp5dt. Just for sh*ts and giggles I took at HPT. It was immediately one line. I threw it in the bin.

Well the clinic returned my call and asked that I continue with my progesterone - I didn't take it this morning. So, even though my mind was saying "Screw it! Save the progesterone for the FET" I went upstairs and took it. Then something told me to look at the cheapie HPT test I took.

There are two freaking lines! The control one is super dark, but there is an incredibly faint second line. It's faint but it's there. It's there. WTF does this mean?! Is it the trigger shot? Could I actually be pregnant even though I've been bleeding like there's no tomorrow? What the heck is going on?

Ladies? Advice? Have you ever heard of this before? A full bleed but a positive (albeit faint) HPT?

What a freaking mind game this all is!