Everyone but me

If you're reading this, you're probably one of the many people suffering from infertility.  And you've probably lamented how it seems like everyone is pregnant except for you.  Right?  Well, I know how you feel.  I feel like I'm constantly surrounded by pregnant women. And recently one of my close friends joined their ranks.  

Courtesy of Google Images

K and I are very close in age, only about a week apart.  She moved back to Canada after spending almost a decade working in the States.  Moving back was all about her making a better and a fuller life.  In the time span a year, K has found a new job, moved back to Canada, and entered into a new relationship.  She's a wonderful person who never knew if love would come her way.  Thankfully A came into her life.  They've been together for a year now and she's madly in love.  I'm so happy for her.  


She knows that I've been trying to get pregnant; knows about all our struggles.  Yesterday she invited me over for lunch and she spilled the beans.  "I'm pregnant."  At first I wanted to cry, and then I remembered that this was not about me.  Her being pregnant has nothing to do with my infertility.  She was afraid to tell me.  She was worried I would be upset.  And I was.  I am.  Like many people who suffer with infertility, it just seems like everyone is pregnant but me.  K hardly ever sees her bf because he works out of town 3 weeks at a time.  Sweets and I time our intimate moments and still no dice.  Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy for her.  She deserves to be happy.  To be a mother.  I just wish I could join her.  


K is a big believer in "The Secret".  The idea that you have to put out positive energy and it'll come back to you.  She said that she's been visualizing herself pregnant, in the hospital, pushing a stroller.  She insists that I start to do that too.  I don't know.  I tried it, but I'm having trouble seeing it.  Perhaps it's because the optimism has been removed from my heart.  All the pain of the disappointments have scarred me in some way, preventing me from seeing things on the other side.   


I don't know how this will change our relationship. I love K dearly but I don't know if I can constantly listen to the baby talk.  I want to be the good friend but how?  How do you celebrate a friend's "surprise" pregnancy while you're suffering?  Argh...