Beta #2 :(

47.  It went up by 6. Not even close to the doubling they want/expect.

I'm upset but I anticipated this result.

Well, good thing I can imbibe in my mojitos. Looks like I may be in for a hurricane. Miscarrying while in a hurricane.  What a summer holiday I'll be having.

I'll just wait for the clinic to validate that this is a chemical pregnancy and then I'll stop my medications.

Different ranges?

I am obsessing.  I know that I'm obsessing.  


Dr. Goo.gle has both been a shining light and a dismal corridor when it comes to researching betas.  What I wonder about is why the huge difference in HCG ranges?  


The lab that did my test has the following for their point of reference.


0 - 1 Week: 5-50 
1 - 2 Weeks: 40-300
2 - 3 Weeks: 100-10003 - 4 Weeks: 500-6000


Now, is this according to the last menstrual period or ovulation?  It does not specify.  If it's post ovulation, then I would fall in the 1-2 week range.  If it's according to my cycle, then my beta is far too low to be considered viable.          


Then I found the BC Biomedical Reference guide for all their tests.  Currently I'm about 4 weeks from my last menstrual period (LMP).  


Here are their ranges. 



Time after LMP Expected Range
3rd week (6-71)
4th week (10-750)
5th week (217-7138)


I don't get it.  Why such a difference?    


I hope to God that I can get a second beta on Saturday.  It sucks being in limbo.  

From the bottom of my heart...

Thank you.  


Thank you so much.  It such a strange thing to know that there are people, individuals who I've never met before, who are sending me their love and well wishes.  


What ever the outcome of all this, please know that you have all moved me with your kindness, your encouragement, your support.


Thank you.    

Nothing is easy.

Checked online for my beta.

Not the best number.

 It's 41.

 It falls within the guidelines but just barely. The numbers range from 40-300 so I'm on the low side.  other websites have different numbers so I don't know how I should feel right now.

Maybe I won't be drinking virgins mojitos.

My clinic's protocol is to test a week after the first beta but I think I'll ask for another beta on Saturday to see if it doubles.

Has anyone heard of positive outcomes with low betas?

Virgin mojitos it is!

I caved and purchased a HPT today from Wa.lm.art.  It was on a whim as I was buying items for my Mexico trip.  

Didn't expect to see this!  Sweets wanted me to wait.  So I didn't tell him that I bought the test.  In fact, I quickly brought the bag upstairs before he could look in my purchases.  After the lines changed, I came downstairs crying.  His automatic instinct was "She got her period."  He didn't expect me to say, "We're pregnant."  

Of course I'm still cautious.  It's only 4 weeks and a lot can happen between now and 8 months.  Heck.  A lot can happen between today and my beta on Thursday.  

This is the first time I've ever, ever seen two freaking lines.  It makes me feel good to know that at least I can get pregnant.  

I can get pregnant.  

I am pregnant. 

 Holy shit.   

Holy Shit!  Do you see it too? 12dp3dt

When friends don't get it.

On Saturday I spent the day with my friend K.  K is 6.5 months pregnant.  You may recall that she was the one who "accidentally" got pregnant.  I posted about her pregnancy here.  I know that things have been tough for her.  Things are not exactly perfect between her and her partner (he hasn't told his parents that they're going to grandparents yet!) and she has struggled in the past with depression.  While we were lining up at Sep.hora, she looked at me and said, "You know what?  I hate being pregnant.  I really hate the way I feel. Ugh."
Really?
You're telling ME of all people that you hate being pregnant?
Seriously?  

Courtesy of Google Images 

I've listened to her endless comments about being pregnant and the baby moving.  
I've gone into maternity stores, buying maternity clothes, buying baby clothes....
I've endeavoured to be a good, supportive friend.  
I've set aside the fact that it hurts me to be doing all of these things.  
I've set aside my pain because I know that she needs me.  
But to complain about being pregnant to your friend who is suffering from infertility is just plain narcissistic and ignorant.  
I looked at her and said, "I know you hate being pregnant, but I would do anything to be in your shoes."  


I think she realized what she said at that point and just shut her mouth.  A few long minutes passed and she said, "I am incredibly grateful to be pregnant.  Don't get me wrong.  I was just a friend speaking to a friend about how she felt."  
I acknowledged her feelings.  But I don't recall her acknowledging mine.
I wish she would just try to put herself in my shoes.  
She has no clue how much infertility hurts.  
How it has the ability to steal your light, your happiness.  
But I don't think she ever will.  


I don't think she has a clue about how I feel.  
About how much it hurts.       

Over Before It Got Started?

Sweets thinks I'm a pessimist. Perhaps I am. I think this cycle maybe already be over. Now before you scoff let me tell you what just happened.

Having just woken up from a nice nap with my kitties, I jumped from the couch and went upstairs to insert my Endometrin. I noticed some blood on the applicator. No big deal. Spotting is to be expected after all that messing about down there. I proceeded downstairs, washed some of the fresh blueberries we just purchased and sat down to read my email. Suddenly, I started cramping. And then the cramps got more and more intense. These were cramps like I've never experienced before. My heart pounded. My skin became drenched in sweat. I couldn't catch my breath. I was writhing on the floor in pain. To cool myself down I literally crawled into shower with my clothes on. I was too hot, in too much pain, to bother to disrobe.

Sweets felt helpless. He couldn't comfort me in any way so he called the clinic.

By the time the nurse called back, my pain had subsided. After asking a couple of questions, she felt that perhaps when I put in the Endometrin in I may have hit my cervix. With the jolt, the cervix reacted and hence then cramps. She called the cramps a "mechanical" reaction. Of course my worry was that the cramps were enough to expell the embryos. She didn't say yes and she didn't say no. All she said was that the cramps would have to be pretty violent (they were!) in order to expell them. She did provide the bread and jam analogy to try to make me feel better, but ended the conversation with "Regardless, it's out of your hands." Ugh.

Yes it's out of my hands but man, I wonder if I messed up already.