Over Before It Got Started?

Sweets thinks I'm a pessimist. Perhaps I am. I think this cycle maybe already be over. Now before you scoff let me tell you what just happened.

Having just woken up from a nice nap with my kitties, I jumped from the couch and went upstairs to insert my Endometrin. I noticed some blood on the applicator. No big deal. Spotting is to be expected after all that messing about down there. I proceeded downstairs, washed some of the fresh blueberries we just purchased and sat down to read my email. Suddenly, I started cramping. And then the cramps got more and more intense. These were cramps like I've never experienced before. My heart pounded. My skin became drenched in sweat. I couldn't catch my breath. I was writhing on the floor in pain. To cool myself down I literally crawled into shower with my clothes on. I was too hot, in too much pain, to bother to disrobe.

Sweets felt helpless. He couldn't comfort me in any way so he called the clinic.

By the time the nurse called back, my pain had subsided. After asking a couple of questions, she felt that perhaps when I put in the Endometrin in I may have hit my cervix. With the jolt, the cervix reacted and hence then cramps. She called the cramps a "mechanical" reaction. Of course my worry was that the cramps were enough to expell the embryos. She didn't say yes and she didn't say no. All she said was that the cramps would have to be pretty violent (they were!) in order to expell them. She did provide the bread and jam analogy to try to make me feel better, but ended the conversation with "Regardless, it's out of your hands." Ugh.

Yes it's out of my hands but man, I wonder if I messed up already.

Is it too early to freak out?

Now, I've been trying to be so relaxed.  These past two days, Sweets has literally be catering to my every need.  I haven't had to lift a finger.  While it seems great, I kind of hate it.  I want to go out into my garden, vacuum my home, do some laundry, play with my cats....all the things normal people do.  He did remind me today that I beat myself up during my FET cycle when I helped to move the love seat. So, okay, I'll be a couch potato for a couple of days.  You would think that I should be the picture of serenity, but I'm not.  


Today, I've been cramping.  They feel an awful lot like menstrual cramps.  Lower abdominal just above the pubic bone.  Needless to say, I'm kind of freaking out.  I typically get these same cramps in the same location a week before my period starts.  If this cycle is a bust, it's due on Sept 3rd.  According to IVF.ca's Due Date calculator  implantation would start on Sunday and end on the 1st of Sept, just before my period is due.  If my uterus is cramping, won't it make it impossible for the embryo(s) to implant?  Argh!!!!

Am I being overly pessimistic?  Probably, but I've become so accustomed to disappointment that in some way, I don't expect my super eggs to make it.  


My good friend Kelly says that I need to visualize a baby in my belly and one in my arms.  She's a firm believer in "The Secret."  Nothing else has worked thus far so perhaps I'll just have to give it a try.      

An even dozen

Does anyone get any sleep the night before their retrieval?  I honestly tried.  I went to bed early.  I read my book, The Magicians  by Lev Grossman (highly recommend it if you're a Potter fan).  Once it was lights out, all I did was toss and turn.  Granted, it was one of the warmest evenings we've had all summer (if you can really call it summer) so that didn't help.  Just before the alarm went off, my eyes were wide open in the haziness of the morning light.  Sweets slept a little bit last night but being the night owl that he is, he probably averaged about 3 hours of sleep.  


The drive in was perfect.  Very little traffic and we actually found a non-paying parking spot just a short walk from the clinic doors.

Things were different this time than last time..  When nurse Betty put in the IV, it didn't hurt like it did last time.  The retrieval itself seemed quicker and less painful.  Nurse Betty even remarked that they has used less medication on me to numb the pain.  Dr A. was awesome.  When she was leaving, Sweets and I both thanked her and remarked how quick it seemed.  She smiled and stated, "That's the way I do things.  If someone was poking me around down there, I would want them as quick and efficient as possible."  In the end, we extracted 12 eggs.  Only two less from the 14 we had last time.  Sweets and I are both pleased with that number.  I hope that the slower growth rate and the extra day of stimulation equates better egg quality.  


Though everything else seemed easier this time round, the only drawback is that I feel like my cramping is worse.  And while the heating pad has truly been my friend, it's so freaking warm and muggy today that I have to use my A/C as well.  So just imagine this, I'm hot and uncomfortable due to the weather, have to use my heating pad because I'm uncomfortable and have my air conditioning on full blast since I'm so warm. Ugh....  Now, for those of you who have done this a couple of times, should I still be cramping tomorrow?  Or should the worst of it be done by then.  For the life of me, I can't recall how long I had to endure these cramps last time.   


As most of you know, tomorrow is a big day.  We receive our fertilization report.  Last time, we had 100% fertilization with only IVF.  I hope we receive similar news.  

Now, back to my book.