Over Before It Got Started?

Sweets thinks I'm a pessimist. Perhaps I am. I think this cycle maybe already be over. Now before you scoff let me tell you what just happened.

Having just woken up from a nice nap with my kitties, I jumped from the couch and went upstairs to insert my Endometrin. I noticed some blood on the applicator. No big deal. Spotting is to be expected after all that messing about down there. I proceeded downstairs, washed some of the fresh blueberries we just purchased and sat down to read my email. Suddenly, I started cramping. And then the cramps got more and more intense. These were cramps like I've never experienced before. My heart pounded. My skin became drenched in sweat. I couldn't catch my breath. I was writhing on the floor in pain. To cool myself down I literally crawled into shower with my clothes on. I was too hot, in too much pain, to bother to disrobe.

Sweets felt helpless. He couldn't comfort me in any way so he called the clinic.

By the time the nurse called back, my pain had subsided. After asking a couple of questions, she felt that perhaps when I put in the Endometrin in I may have hit my cervix. With the jolt, the cervix reacted and hence then cramps. She called the cramps a "mechanical" reaction. Of course my worry was that the cramps were enough to expell the embryos. She didn't say yes and she didn't say no. All she said was that the cramps would have to be pretty violent (they were!) in order to expell them. She did provide the bread and jam analogy to try to make me feel better, but ended the conversation with "Regardless, it's out of your hands." Ugh.

Yes it's out of my hands but man, I wonder if I messed up already.

Embryos on board

You know those stickers that families have on the back on their cars? The ones that depict the whole family including the dog and cat? I want to get stickers of embryos. I don't have kids (yet) but hey I've got embryos! I wonder how people would react if all people who had ART had embie stickers?

It doesn't matter what time of day, the traffic in the lower mainland sucks. In fact, we have the worst traffic in all Canada and second worst in North America. So sure enough, in true YVR style, there was an accident on the #1 highway and so we had to take another route to the clinic. Thanks to google maps, we made it there 25 mins early. I hate waiting especially when my bladder is full and I am ready to rock this FET party!

As I mentioned in my previous post, there are a number of difference between my old public clinic and the new private one. The other one felt like a hospital. For transfer, I would put on hospital gowns. At this clinic, it was a nice sarong type skirt. Sweets used to have to change and put on scrubs; here he simply had to put on botties over his shoes. After a transfer at the old clinic, the RE would put the progesterone in for me; with,the new clinic, I went to the washroom immediately after transfer and put in the progesterone myself. At my old clinic, I rested on the table for 30 mins; at new clinic, I was escorted out and the next patient was escorted in. Some technological differences include watching them suck the embryos out of the petri dish and watching them transfer the embryos via ultrasound. My old clinic didn't do that. I guess when it's privately funded and not publicly, more tech can be purchased? And while everyone at this new clinic has been wonderful, it definitely feels like a business. No complaints really but just noticing the differences.

I'm pleased to say that the transfer is complete. Two embryos are on board. The beta is August 2 which is 3 days before my trip to Mexico. Virgin mojitos, here I come!

Holidays on the horizon

I find it a little sad that unless it has something to do with trying to conceive, I don't have much to say.  My clinic called last week to follow up with me and see how I'm doing.  The nurse recommended I call soon to book my appointment in January.  The plan is to still do our final FET in February or March. After that, I'm not sure.  My heart wants us to do another round of IVF but my pocketbook cannot withstand another round.     

Right now, I'm trying to balance paying off my IVF and FET cycles off my credit card and line of credit so that I can afford some nice Christmas gifts this year.  Last year Sweets and I put money towards items for the house rather than buying each other gifts.  I would really like to get him something nice this year.  In addition to Christmas shopping, I'm actually going up north to visit my parents for Christmas.  I need some time away for all the stress of TTC and even job action (more some other time).  Sweets was going to join me but then we discovered that his brother's family were going to Disneyland for Christmas.  It wouldn't be appropriate for Sweets to leave his elderly parents alone for Christmas.  So we'll be spending Christmas apart this year.  I'll still have a week's vacation to spend with him when I get home, so it's not that big of a deal.

Things have been going really well for Sweets on the work front. Thank goodness!  In the past 8 weeks, he's had 4 contracts.  A big difference and the work keeps coming.  Before that, he had only one small contract in March.  Not enough to keep up with all the bills so the brunt of the payments fell onto me.  Now, he's got clients approaching him from all over.  It's been a boost to our income plus, and more importantly, it's been a boost to his self esteem. It was tough on him to be out of work for such a long time.  

Going home to my parents will be both relaxing and stressful.  Even though I'm pushing 40, my parents still revert to treating me like a teenager when I go home.  I understand, and I have to make sure that I don't get snippy with them.  On the plus side, I get away from the city, back to small town life where there is truly silence at night.  I love that sound.  There is a certain silence that snow fall brings with it.  Here, snow brings with it chaos but up north, it brings peace. :)  I look forward to seeing my brother as well. When we were young, we were very close.  Over the years, we've become more distant.  I could blame his wife, whom I do not get along with (I've tried - I swear), but it takes the two of us to maintain the relationship and neither of us is willing to put in the work I suppose.

Back to the TTC front - I think this natural cycle has been a bust.  AF is due to arrive this week and I've been having the typical symptoms.  Mild cramps, acne, discharge...  I didn't go to my Zumba classes for fear that exercising too vigorously would impact implantation etc...  Does anyone else forgo exercise during the 2ww?  If you do continue, what do you do?  I'm tired of not exercising.  My treadmill downstairs hasn't seen a lot of action lately because I'm afraid of messing things up.  Suggestions?

Though I'm not actively seeking treatments right now, I often think of my fellow sisters in IF.  Evelyn is currently in her 2ww.  I wish her all the best and hope for a wonderful outcome.  

 

Keeping myself busy

Last Sunday, I had my second FET.  It was incredibly routine, nothing out of the ordinary.  The RE was wonderful.  Before this transfer, I hadn't met her in my year at the clinic.  At the day 14 ultrasound, she remarked that I had a beautiful uterus and that my follicles looked good - that I had 6.  I guess that's pretty good?  I don't know.  On the day of the transfer, she was so incredibly thorough when doing the transfer that it took longer than previous ones.  Nothing wrong with being meticulous when you have such precious cargo.  

 As I was being wheeled into the recovery room to relax, the embryologist said, "You're lucky that you had Dr. W.  She's an excellent surgeon."  So here's hoping that Dr. W had the magic touch and one of my 3 little guys has implanted.  

Though everything seemed okay, I was a little concerned that there was some cell loss with two of the embryos.  All three were 3 day 8 cell embryos - 1 was grade 1 and 2 were grade 2.  After thawing, one was still perfect, but the other two experienced loss.  One went from 8 cells to 4 and the other to 2.  The embryologist indicated that they were recovering though so hopefully they continued to split and grow. 

I've been keeping myself pretty busy in the meantime.  In the past I would have taken a couple days off after the transfer to relax but while my body would have been relaxing, my mind would have been stressing out about what was going on at school.  So I made the decision to just relax the day of the transfer and then go back to work.  I think that was the best decision I made. Other than changing patches and putting prometrium up my who ha, I honestly haven't been thinking too much about it.  I'm just trying to go about my day as if nothing had happened.  

Actually it's been so off my mind that there were two mishaps.  The night of the transfer was quite cold.  I turned on the heating pad and put it on my feet.  Sometime, in the middle of the night, I had pulled the heating pad on my torso.  When I woke up I had a mild freak out thinking that I had cooked my embryos.  I didn't feel overheated so I'm crossing my fingers.  Further, the other night I was watching a tv program when it hit me that I hadn't changed my patches that day.  Argh!  I zoomed up the stairs and quickly replaced my patches.  Not much I can do now about it, so I'm trying not to stress.

My beta is on Halloween.  Here's hoping I get a nice treat that day and not another soul deadening trick.     

I know my body...

And I honestly feel that this cycle is a bust.  Before you accuse me of being pessimistic, I counter and simply state that I'm being realistic.  My period is, for the most part, regular and should be here Wednesday or Thursday.  Typically, just before my period, I get morning mini-cramps.  Today, I had morning mini-cramps.  Ugh...  So in my heart of hearts, I feel like this cycle was a bust.  I know people are probably thinking that it's not over yet, but other than cramps I have no pregnancy symptoms.  Granted, if implantation did occur, it would be finishing up tomorrow.  I just have a feeling that this didn't work.  

Statistically speaking, the RE gave us about 33-35% chance of getting pregnant per cycle.  Those odds echo what a "regular" couple's chances of getting pregnant are.  Sweets wants to give this IVF thing at least two more times.  Usually he's a stickler for money but for this, he's willing to go into debt for.  While I admire him for that, there's no guarantee that after 3 tries, we'll still end up with a baby in our arms.  I don't know.  That's the frustration about all this.  Everything is up in the air.  Nothing is guaranteed.      

Transfer Complete!

The deed is done.  Now let's hope the mission was a success.  

My BFF came along with me today because Sweets couldn't make it.  The vibe was totally different from retrieval day.  With it being a Sunday, the clinic was so quiet.  When we left, there wasn't a single soul to be seen.  Earlier that morning, the ultrasound area was rather busy, but the area where we were in was silent.  I guess it didn't help that we were a little early.  

Soon enough, I was in my scrubs and ready go.  BFF was permitted to come into the procedure room with me, which was undoubtedly a surreal experience for her.  Once seated on the table, the embryologist explained to me the state of the embryos being transferred and indicated that the other nine embryos were still developing.  Of the 11 embryos, we transferred two today.  Both were 8 cells but one was grade 2, with 5% fragmentation and the other grade 3.  All the others in the lab were grade 3 as well.  I really hope they make it to day 5.  From what I've read, egg quality is illustrated in days 1 to 3.  Sperm quality comes into play after that.  Hopefully Sweets's little guys do their job!  

The infamous two week wait has begun.  I've taken the next two days off so that I can take it easy.  I just need to plan a couple of lessons for my TOC (teacher-on-call) for those two days.  As for my beta, it falls on a Sunday.  The labs are not open on Sunday.  So it begs the question:  

Do I get my beta done on the Saturday or the Monday?