Last summer, my good childhood friend B, told me that her wife was desperate to have a child of her own. B was unsure. They had just gotten married in May and B wasn't willing to share S with a child. Not yet. Flash forward a few months later and I received THE email. An announcement that they were expecting. I felt gutted. Utterly gutted. In all honesty, I didn't expect it to come so easily for S. She's two years older than me, they were using donor sperm of a family friend and doing the insemination at home with....I'm not sure. It was not going to be a clinical IUI. It was a home based IUI. Come on, was I wrong to think that we would conceive before the older lesbian couple?
Now here we are, Sweets and I are about to transfer our embabies tomorrow and B's baby shower on the horizon. At that time, I'll be on the tale end of my 2ww and won't know if the embryos implanted or not. Truthfully, I've been refraining from RSVPing to the e-vite I received last week. I just don't know if I can handle it. I know I should go. I need to show my support for B. I just don't know how I'll deal with all the "oohhs" and "awwws" with each baby gift knowing that I may never get there. Frankly I wish "Miss Pessimism" would shut her pie hole, put on her big girl pants and just go to the fecking shower. But I do worry. How will I react? Will I be okay? Will I be present enough to share in their joy?
So here's the question my dear bloggeristas, how do you cope with a baby shower while dealing with infertility? Your words of wisdom are greatly appreciated and earnestly needed.
Oh, this just sucks. I can relate, having dealt with the barrage of bridal showers and then weddings where everyone knew "Shannon and Guest" meant Shannon was coming alone, and then having 4 baby showers while TTC and after my m/c. There is no easy way to deal with it - but I think the best way (the way I wish I'd done with it with at least that last shower) is to buy a REALLY nice gift, and then tell B, in private, that you'd love to be at her shower, but you really can't.
ReplyDeleteBecause, honestly, it's just too much.
But if you do end up going, just imagine that your 2ww will end successfully and the next shower you're going to will be your own!
I've been to a few baby showers and I avoided a few, depending on how I was feeling. Luckily the ones I avoided were people I didn't see very often and we generally are pretty busy, so coming up with an excuse was easy.
ReplyDeleteI found that when I was in the 2ww I was actually much less likely to avoid because there was at least the chance (in my head mostly) that maybe it would be happening for me, so I tended to be less bitter at that point. But I don't think I ever had a shower during the 2ww after either of my IUIs, so can't say what I would do or be feeling in that case since in some ways there's more on the line.
I wish you luck that your IVF worked! I forget how I found your blog, but it was at a time when I wanted to be reading from other people still in the trenches.
Just a warning that you're welcome to read my blog, but I am finally pregnant (sorry!) so I am talking about that a lot. The earlier posts on my blog (from before Decemberish, when I was all fed up about everything and we were debating IVF and looking into adoption as well) are all my anger and angst at not being pregnant after coming-up-on-four-years, so you might like those better right now.
You don't have to go if you don't want. That's the answer.
ReplyDeleteI went to baby showers within a month of both of my baby showers. I was both jealous and numb, but I found the emotions were manageable because it wasn't their babies that I wanted.
The other side of it; both were family and I didn't feel like lying or explaining why I wasn't there or having my mom have to lie.
Thank you ladies. I guess I'll play it by ear. If AF arrives (she's due two days before the baby shower), then I know I won't be in a good state. If she doesn't, then perhaps I'll go. I need to acknowledge that in order to guard my heart, it's okay for me to not go.
ReplyDelete