Back in the saddle

Today I took my last BCP.  

Shortly AF will arrive and round two of Project "Let's Make a Baby" starts.  I'm entering into this round of IVF with few expectations.  Last March I was crushed by the failure of my first IVF cycle and I don't want to feel that way again.  I entered into it with so many hopes, only to have them blown away like a feather in a tornado.  This time, I vow to be more pragmatic and guarded.  I know what to expect.  I know what my odds are.  All I can do, is hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

On the positive side of things, I've been keeping myself rather preoccupied with non-IF concerns.  For the past 4 weeks, I taught two blocks of remedial English at summer school.  While I complained about the early morning wake ups, I appreciated the routine and the lack of free time during the day.  Fortunately the students I worked with were nice kids.  I even had one girl pop by at the end and say "Thank you for reminding me that English can be fun and what it's like to have a good English teacher."  Her comments meant a lot to me.  Had I had that time off, I know I would have been at home stewing about the next IVF cycle and obsessively researching statistics etc....  But no, I've avoided all IVF and IF sites, blogs, and articles for the last month or so.  

Along with summer school, I had family (aunt and second cousin) visiting from Finland.  For the most part, they spent the majority of their holiday up north with my parents and then their final week was in Vancouver with me.  I hadn't seen my aunt since 1997 and at that time, my second cousin was only year old.  Now, she's 15!  My aunt, who never travels out of Finland, was just awestruck by the beauty of our city.  She kept saying with almost a childlike innocence, "I cannot believe the things I've seen.  I cannot believe that I am here."  My aunt not only lives in a rather rural part of Finland, like most Finns, but she's also not a very well traveled person.  All of this - from connecting in Heathrow to suffering from jet lag - was new to her.  On top of not speaking a word of English, she was bombarded by so many different sights, sounds, tastes.  At times, I wondered if it was almost an assault on her senses.  In Finland, it's an incredibly homogeneous population and, as you can imagine, BC is incredibly diverse.  In fact, with my husband being Greek, I imagine he's the first non-Finn she's ever really come in contact with!  On the day she left, she looked at me and said, "I'll be back when the baby is born."  

You see, my aunt suffered from infertility.  Though her husband has 3 children from a previous marriage, they were never able to conceive their own child.  From the sounds of it, her period was incredibly erratic and when it did arrive, debilitating.  Perhaps she suffered from PCOS?  Now in her late 60s and a widow, she reassured me that not having children doesn't bother her.  She stated that her life is full and she has no regrets.  She has such a gentle soul and I miss her presence already. 

With summer school completed and family returned to Finland, I have another set of visitors coming on Friday to distract me.  My friend L and his boyfriend S are flying in from Atlanta for a long visit.  I met L when I was in grade 9 when I signed up for a pen pal exchange.  His was one of the three names I received.  We got off to a bit of a bumpy start as I thought he was a girl (his name is somewhat unisex) and his Italian pride was rather insulted.  Thankfully he got over it and we forged a strong relationship from that point on.  So here we are, some twenty five years later, and we're still in each others' lives.  The two of us have been through a lot together.  All those miles away, we were each others' support and sounding board. 

The only issue with L and S arriving is that I'm due to start IVF 2.0 while they're here.  From my calculations, I'll only have to visit the clinic once or twice while they're visiting so hopefully I can keep everything on the down low.  Personally, I don't care if people know that we're pursuing infertility treatments but Sweets isn't a fan of letting people in on it.  So hopefully I'll be able to sneak in my shots without them noticing.   

So there is stands.  The next few weeks will be a whirlwind.  With touring around Vancouver (again) and calling in CD 1, my August is sure to be a doozy!