Mini-melt down and the WTF appointment

Today is Sweets's birthday.  I love him.  He is my rock, my light, my everything.  I'm so lucky to have him in my life.  

Happy Birthday Sweetie.

  
Part I:  Mini-meltdown

The blow from a BFN with an IVF is 100% worse than all the IUIs combined.  My emotions have been quite raw and I move quickly to sadness.  Today, while teaching, I had a mini-meltdown. 


My English 10 class were being goofs.  I was trying to teach them how to really analyse a poem by modelling how I would analyse one of my favourite poems from W.H. Auden.  Throughout my discussion there were students talking, others texting and others playing with their iTouches.  Numerous times throughout the class I had been asking them to be quiet, pay attention, stop talking, turn around...Enough was enough.  I just flipped out and of course because I'm somewhat fragile, I broke down.  I asked them if they would prefer a teacher who actually wants them to learn how to think or a teacher who just gives them 200 questions to answer.  What did they want from me?  Did they want a teacher who actually teaches or not?  I just walked out and went to the bathroom to calm down.  Soon thereafter the bell ran and I went back upstairs.

Of course when I returned to the class, there were a few students still milling about, wondering what had just happened.  And you know, it's always the students who aren't the problem who apologize.  C came up and said, "Mrs. B.  I'm really sorry."  She wasn't the problem.  On Thursday, I will apologize for my outburst and then remind them that they are here to learn and reiterate my expectations on behaviour.  If they want to simply regurgitate answers, then they need to find another teacher.  I'm not that teacher.  

Thankfully, my principal popped in to see how I was doing.  She's been fully aware of my IF journey and thankfully, she's been incredibly supportive of me.  I explained to her what had just happened.  She understood and actually said, "They probably needed to hear what you had to say.  Don't beat yourself up."     

Part II:  WTF Appointment

Sweets was a little concerned that we would miss the Leadership debate because we had to go into the city for our appointment.  Thank goodness for CBC radio because he got to tune in while we drove home. 

Oddly enough, the appointment I thought would be depressing, was actually somewhat positive.  Dr. C agreed that I responded well with my antagonist protocol.  If there is a "next time," he would like to see me stimulate for one more day.  He said that there were a number of immature eggs and one more day would have been beneficial.  So I take it that from the 22 follicles that were drained, there were more than the 14 retrieved but they were immature?  It appears that it would be logical to add a day to allow for maturity.  Also, he felt positive about the fact that Sweets's guys were able to fertilize the eggs naturally.  Ironically though, the one frozen embryo was actually from ICSI.  Interesting.  

Previously I had mentioned that my mother was concerned about the medication she took while pregnant with me.  Dr. C confirmed that DES was not widely used in Canada.  It was prescribed mainly in the US and Australia.  My mother was most likely prescribed progesterone, as I suspected.  Had she used DES, my IF issues would have taken a totally different direction!

All in all, Dr. C felt that we could move forward next month with FET.  Sweets and I left the appointment feeling somewhat relieved and reassured.  We met with the nurse, and I received the FET protocol and the prescription for my meds.  On to phase two of this messed up IF journey.