Disappearing Act *Update*

Sorry for being MIA again.  I'm noticing that after failed treatments, I hibernate. I don't want to think about or read about infertility treatments.  I did have an appointment with my RE last week to find out what's going on and what to do next.  He is very hopeful that I'll get pregnant.  He reiterated that all signs point to it being very likely that it will happen.  So unless we have a "natural surprise", as he put it, we'll be doing our second IVF in August.  I hope to God that Sweets gets a few contracts between now and then.  Then we can pay down our debt and put money into the Fertility Account.  

Peyton
Cameron
Sydney
Kalaia
Elaina
Carter 
*Nathaniel* born July 3rd - had to add this one in just to demonstrate the vast amounts of fertility surrounding me. 


These are all the babies born to friends and acquaintances in the last two months.  The last 4 were in the last 2 weeks.  <sigh>  It makes me sad but in a way it gives me hope.  Peyton's mommy is 40.  Cameron's mommy is 38.  Kalaia's and Elaina's mommies are both 39.  It's possible.  I can get pregnant.  I will get pregnant.  

Is that a Rubenesque woman I hear singing?

I'm cramping up a storm.  Sure, I can try to remain optimistic and think, "Maybe it's my uterus expanding" but I'm sure it's my period announcing its arrival shortly.  I expect it to arrive by Wednesday or Thursday.  Just to humour myself, I'll POAS tomorrow.  I anticipate that it'll be a BFN.


Yesterday, my friend Nicole had a baby girl.  I'm happy for her but wish it was me.  She got married last July and was pregnant by September.  The day that she announced her pregnancy to the staff at school, I had my first IUI BFN.  I did not handle it well.  In fact, I broke down in tears just before teaching my Socials 11 class.  Thankfully I pulled myself together and finished teaching the class.  You know, in the past 6 weeks, I've had four friends give birth and in a couple weeks another one is due.  Fuckedy fuck fuck.  


To add more shit to this shit pile, Vancouver is being demolished in Boston.  Crap.  

"Be sure you positively identify your target before you pull the trigger."

The target is in sight and everything is good to go!  

After 10 days of injections, tonight I give myself the big one.  The HCG trigger.  So at 9pm tonight, I give myself the last shot and on Thursday, we have to be at the hospital at 8:15am for retrieval.  Here are my stats for the past few days:

Baseline E2: 153 - 16 follies (9 L and 7 R)
Day 5 E2: 1512 - 25 follies (11 L and 14 R)
Day 6 E2: 2569 - no u/s
Day 7 E2: 3496 - a whole bunch of tiny 9mm ones, other ranges from 11 - 15mm
Day 9 E2: 6774 - "a good crop" according to the nurse
Day10 E2: 8962 - "good follicles" (trigger tonight)

Now, if you're American and you're reading this, you're probably freaking out and wondering how I am not suffering from OHSS.  Well, Canadians measure E2 with pmols and Americans with pgrams.  In order to convert the levels, you would need to divide the Canadian numbers by 3.67. Believe me, this little piece of knowledge eased my mind.  With most of the sites I've been reading containing American standards, I was freaking out earlier thinking I was headed towards a hospital stay.   

Currently I have 10 follicles on my left and 11 on my right.  They all range in size from 13 to 20.  The average follicle grows approximately 2mm a day.  I doubt the smallest one will catch up to the others.  Throughout the day, I have twinges and aches in my lower abdominal area, but it's nothing that I can't deal with.  Though the day to day twinges are icky, I'm more paranoid of the needle in the vagina!  OMG.  Granted, I'll hopefully be all doped up with drugs from the IV but seriously, a needle in my vagina.  

During my almost daily trip to the clinic, I befriended a fellow IVFer and her mother.  She was there pretty much every morning with either her mother and on one occasion with her husband.  This is her second IVF.  This woman, let's call her Kelly from Kelowna, and she and her mother are camping while Kelly is going through treatment.  Wow. That's dedication.  I cannot imagine this process without being able to curl up in my own bed, cuddle with my kitties or be pampered by my husband.  Not to mention, her husband is only here on the weekends.  While she has her mother for support, her husband isn't here for the day to day.  I really hope it works for Kelly.  From our discussions, she has struggled with her health a lot.  As a youngster, she struggled with hearing loss.  And now as an adult, her endometriosis has made it difficult to conceive.  Last year, she had a surgery to help.  Let's hope there enough of that freaking baby dust for the two of us.   

All in all, I can't believe it's finally here.  Time has been somewhat paradoxical.  In one way it has moved so quickly but at the same time, it's inched forward in tiny increments.  Thursday is the day.  I am excited and I am frightened.  I just pray that this works and that in 9 months time, we have a healthy baby in our arms.