Since my most recent BFN, I've been thinking about what to do next. Sweets wants to jump right into FET #3 but I'm not ready. Not ready emotionally, physically or financially. I want to take a break from infertility. Just for a little while. Is that possible? I don't know if I can set it aside for a spell but this is my plan.
I'm going to take the next few months off. Since my RE has moved to his own clinic, I have to make an appointment with another RE at my current clinic to discuss the next FET. My plan is to get in to see the RE in January so that we can discuss a transfer in February.
Before that transfer, I want to reconnect with my husband (I want to talk about something other than fertility treatments and babies!), my friends, and my work. I want to exercise, lose some weight and not live my live in 2 week increments. I want to visit my parents for Christmas and not worry about drinking a glass of wine with Christmas dinner. I want to be able to buy my husband a decent Christmas gift and not worry about covering the costs of treatments.
If I can just enjoy myself for the next few months, perhaps I'll have a better mindset from my final FET. Now, if that FET doesn't work, I think I'm done with IVF. We simply cannot afford another round at this point. I've been thinking about IUIs with injections. Before it was out of the question because Sweets's numbers were so low. But now that his numbers are in the 'normal' range, perhaps that's an option. While it's still costly, it's more affordable than IVF. Hopefully the RE will agree.
Now, if all of this doesn't work, then what? Sweets hasn't been too keen on adoption. With that, I guess the only thing is making peace with not being a mother. I really don't want to go there yet, but it is in the back of my mind. Of course, I'll mourn the loss of being a mother but what I find equally heartbreaking is that my parents will never be grandparents. That just kills me. I so want to make them grandparents. It pains me that they're not. It sucks that my brother and his wife have chosen to live childfree while we are struggling to get pregnant. Argh.... Life sucks sometimes.
sorry you are having to deal with this. I haven't been through nearly as much as you have, and I'm nearly ready to call it quits! We're financially at a stand still if the clomid/hcg triggers don't work. We might be able to do IUI, but that would be about it. If those options don't work, then I don't know what we're going to do. Adoption is much too expensive, but I"m not sure that I can afford to not be a mother. I don't know if I can make peace with it... how does one go about making peace with something like that? I hope the next couple of months relax you and help to centre you again...
ReplyDeleteand yeah, what would life be like if there wasn't the constant baby and fertility talk. sigh
I think your plan is a good one. Some time to just be yourself is really good for healing. I had a couple months off last year due to miscarriage and was probably the best I've been in the past 4 years of this journey.
ReplyDeleteHey, any chance your sister in law is young enough and would consider being an egg donor? Just a thought. Stranger things have happened. Since she's decided not to be a mother, she's probably super fertile.
Evelyn,
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately my sister in law is older than me. Five days older. Plus, we don't get along. But you're right, I be you she is super fertile. :P