It's a beautiful day here and I really can't enjoy it.
Ultrasound showed a gestational sac and a fetal pole. Unfortunately it measured a week behind. So I guess the spotting I experienced last week may have signalled the end of this pregnancy? While I never truly allowed my heart to open up to this pregnancy, I still feel gutted. I mean, it was a long shot. First the super heavy bleed that happened. Then the low first beta. To have had it double was a miracle. Even this last 3rd beta fell within the doubling time parameters. It truly would have been a miracle had it continue to progress. I was hoping for a miracle.
Sweets and I haven't really spoken about it. I went upstairs and cried. He remained downstairs. We're both wounded.
Unless bleeding starts between now and Thursday, I'm going in for a repeat ultrasound. I have 3 options: natural miscarriage, a D &C, or medication to hasten the miscarriage. I don't know what to do. Any advice?
Tomorrow I get my hair done. It should be a nice relaxing event but my BFF just tole me that our hairdresser is pregnant. So it'll be a tough couple of hours tomorrow. Thankfully my BFF and I are going to a movie afterwards. Hopefully that'll preoccupy my mind for a bit.
I am so, so, so sorry to hear this. I have heard of cases like this turning out well in the end, but all of those combined don't sound good. It really is not fair at all. I'm sending healing thoughts your way.
ReplyDeleteI have no idea what I'd choose, but I think I would just want it over with as quickly as possible if it didn't happen on its own. I'm really hoping you won't need to make that decision though.
Thank you. I just don't know how much more disappointment I can take. My heart may never heal.
DeleteI"m so sorry. I'm holding out hope but I know you need to prepare yourself at the same time. Hugs & love to you!
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteI'm really sorry to hear this.
ReplyDeleteI want to tell you to do it naturally but I suspect there wasn't a heartbeat or they wouldn't be planning a D&C so quickly. I've had both a natural and medicated (after an incomplete miscarriage). I didn't have pain or a moment when I knew I was miscarrying like some women do and I found the waiting very stressful. The way mine played out I didn't feel like I had any closure such as seeing a placenta, which would have helped me, I just had light bleeding for weeks. A D&C can cause damage and can be void of closure as well but if you can have genetic testing done it might answer some questions and possibly let you know the gender; knowing the gender would have helped me too.
I hope it happens quickly so you don't have to decide.
I hope my appointment next week will give me more time to speak with the doctor or nurse. Today I just felt crushed and wanted to leave as soon as possible. Next week the nurse said pending the ultrasound, they'll make an appointment for me to go the Women's Hospital. She was great. Very empathetic. Gave me a big hug as I left crying my eyes out,
DeleteI am of the wait and see approach for a few reasons.. Mainly the u/s dates are never exact with their measurements there's always a range of +/- ... Also did they say it's over because there was no heartbeat? If so, I would give it another week either way and stay on meds because there's a good chance the baby could catch up and a heartbeat could be seen next week which is not abnormal.. IMHO today at 6w5d is the EARLIEST that you would see a h/b anyway, so waiting a week can make a world of difference.. I know you have to prepare for the worst BUT I would stay on the progesterone and wait. IF at your next u/s there is no growth AND no heartbeat, then you can stop meds and go from there..Email me any time if you need me! babydreams2011 at gmail dot com or you can email me thru my blog.. Sending up prayers and big HUGS your way!
ReplyDeleteAfter you wrote this, I did a little digging. I have a retroverted uterus and according to some of the things I read, it's difficult to see what's going on. I don't know. I have nothing to lose from keeping up the progesterone for a week. Either it'll help or it'll just prolong the miscarriage. What concerns me is that while there was a gestational sac and a fetal pole, he made no mention if a yolk sac. So? I don't know, I'm heart broken. DH wants me to give the progesterone another week and see what shows up.
DeleteYou should call and ask if there was a yolk sac.. That would make a huge difference in my opinion. IF there was in fact a yolk sac and fetal pole, DEFINITELY wait it out. Honestly, I say wait it out on the progesterone anyway.. Next week could show a huge difference and the what if would be devastating much more so than a D&C later I would imagine.. The not knowing is just too much, especially if there is a chance (And there is!) Just try to be cautiously optimistic BUT the progesterone won't hurt anything.. I could send you tons of links to surros and other IVF'ers that were given the "not viable" speech and it turned out the other way.. Hang in there, I know it's tough!!
DeleteI've been staring at the screen trying to think of something to write, but all I can think is... I'm sorry. And... this just f-in sucks.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, I've been where you are and faced the same decision. In our case, our embryo didn't even have a fetal pole at 7+ weeks and we opted for the D&C because we wanted the genetic testing. We thought it might give us answers. I won't lie- the experience of the D&C and the two weeks after were horrible for me, but I don't know that experiencing a natural m/c at 8 weeks or later would have been any better for me. In the end, the genetic testing did help us make decisions and find additional treatment.
All that being said, I certainly hope that you have another miracle in store for you and get amazing news at your next ultrasound. You and DH will be in my thoughts and prayers. Message me on FT or email me if you want to- I'm here for you.
I think if I decide on the D&C I'll ask for testing, DH doesn't quite get why things didn't progress. In a way I think he still believes that all my eggs are in tip top shape. He equates viability with grading even though I've told him that it doesn't mean that the embryo is genetically okay.
DeleteI wanted to respond to this as well as your response to Jenny below. For me, I needed the follow up u/s to really prove that it wasn't a viable pregnancy (I wasn't ready to accept it was over)- I actually went to my OB/GYN for them to do the u/s so it was sort of a second opinion. I kept taking the progesterone because I really wanted the genetic testing and didn't want to risk losing the pregnancy before we had the chance- it seemed like too much of a waste to not get the pregnancy OR the answers.
DeleteIn our case, the RE said it was a blighted ovum, which is almost always due to chromosomal abnormalities. We were all shocked when the testing results came back 100% normal. That showed us that our doctor wasn't doing all he could or recommending a protocol for me to support a pregnancy. If the embryo had been abnormal, that might have signaled us to move on to adoption/foster care or donor eggs because most embryo chromosome issues are from the eggs. But since the embryo was normal, we knew that we needed to find outside the box solutions- which ended up including distracting my immune system to keep it away from my uterus during IVF (intralipids), doubling the progesterone, and adding estradiol.
I just hope and pray that you get the answers and peace that you deserve to move forward - no matter what that means for you. Big hugs.
I've been reading a lot about intralipids. Did you have testing done to discover you needed it or did they just prescribe them? I'm going to ask my RE about it as well as the additional progesterone.
DeleteI had testing done- what my RE called implantation panel and repeat pregnancy loss panel- to look for an immune or blood clotting disorder that was causing my infertility. Ultimately, I had no definitive flashing red flag that pointed to a cause. The tests showed that I did have a "hyper-active" immune system, but no immune disorder. It also showed that I had one MTHFR gene defect, which normally doesn't cause any issue. So, my RE said that even though I didn't have a specific call for "outside of the box treatment," after all we'd been through she felt like it wasn't going to hurt to throw everything in the book at this and try IVF one more time. So she prescribed intralipids once a month starting mid-stim before ER/ET; Lovenox (blood thinner injections) to start post ER before ET, and special pre-natal vitamins and Metanx (4th Generation folate) to address potential unknown clotting disorder or potential issues caused by MTHFR gene defect. The other things we did this last IVF were- acupuncture, Circle+Bloom meditations, and worked out 3-5 times per week for the 3 months leading up to stimming. I also was not working during this IVF, which took a great deal of stress out of the process by not having to worry about balancing/hiding/sneaking appointments and being able to just focus all my energy on healthy thoughts and getting these embryos to stick. The bottom line on intralipids is that it's technically a food product and absolutely not harmful at all. I put it under the category of why not - if it can't hurt, I'll give it a shot.
DeleteI'm sorry that you didn't get good news. I've been hoping so hard for you and your little one. Although I'm not a fan of fostering false hope, I have to echo what Babydreams has said. Are they absolutely certain that this isn't a viable pregnancy?
ReplyDeleteKeeping you in my thoughts. *hugs*
The RE simply stated that he didn't think it was a viable pregnancy and recommended I stop the progesterone. But it appeared to be the nurse who recommended I come in for a repeat ultrasound next week. I have enough progesterone to take me through to next week. Unless I start bleeding naturally this week, I guess it won't hurt to give it one more week. Though I do worry what it'll do to me emotionally. Is it healthier for me to just let go and throw in the towel on this pregnancy?
DeleteI had a miscarriage almost 2 years ago. At first, I wanted to wait it out, but after a few days of misery and sadness, I just wanted to get it over with. I chose a D&C and the doctor who did it explained to me that she was only going to remove the gestational sac, so it's not like they are going to do a lot of scraping (I was worried about that). I recovered very quickly and moved on. You'll decide what is right for you, there is no right or wrong way. If it were me, I'd go for the ultrasound next week. That way, you'll know for sure, and have no regrets. My heart is aching for you dear…go easy on yourself. ((HUGS)) - Christine
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your experience. My mother had two miscarriages and two D&Cs. Then she had me. I'm sure the procedure has improved since the 1970s.
DeleteOh honey! I am so, so sorry! Nothing hurts worse! I wish I could change this...no one should have to go through this...
ReplyDeleteI would recommend the D&C or medicated.
My first miscarriage the RE I was going to at the time (Dr. Doom) didn't really give me a choice and I didn't know any better. He told me to go home and within 6 weeks (yes, you read that right!) I should bleed. If I don't bleed w/in 6 weeks I had to go back. Every day I wondered if they were wrong and prayed for a miracle. I just knew I wasn't going to bleed and I would have to go back...I tortured myself. After 2 weeks I started bleeding and then I had to "pass" everything. It was very upsetting and something I didn't need to see. And to make matters worse...I bled for 4 weeks straight and became borderline anemic. I do not recommend natural.
My 2nd miscarriage I had a D&C. Although not pleasant the recovery was quicker and I didn't torture myself.
Sorry if this was too much TMI but I wouldn't want anyone to go through that.
I am so, so sorry and I am sending you HUGS and prayers!!
I do worry how long it'll take me to miscarry naturally. Right now I'm leaning towards the D&C. And no, it's not TMI. I would rather have the the straight truth than euphemisms.
DeleteSo sorry! I had my fingers and toes crossed for you. Sending you virtual hugs. Take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteOh sweetie. I'm so sorry, both for the bad news and the uncertainty surrounding it. Praying for a miracle for you.
ReplyDeleteThis sucks! I had D&C's with both of my miscarriages because I couldn't just wait around to start bleeding who knows when. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDelete