Holiday, hurricane, and hope

I seem to have this horrible habit of hiding after an unsuccessful cycle.  While I know that I should use this space as a place to vent and to express myself, for some reason I choose to hide and repress.  I haven't really thought too much about the chemical pregnancy.  I avoid talking about it.  I don't know if it's my coping mechanism but I don't want to talk about it.  When I do, it's almost like an aside.  I bring it up in a casual "Oh yah, and I had a miscarriage."  How messed up am I?  

I haven't had my WTF appointment with my RE yet.  He's on holidays and doesn't get back until the 10th.  So I have to call then to make my next appointment.  I would like to do my next fresh cycle in November.  I know that this cycle didn't end the way I hoped, but I have to focus on the fact that for the first time ever, I actually got pregnant.  It is possible for me to get pregnant.

I would like to say that my holiday was relaxing and completely enjoyable but it wasn't.  Turns out we were right in the path of Hurricane Ernesto.  In fact, the day the hurricane hit, I started to bleed.  Good times.  I quite enjoy storms - rain storms, thunder storms, wind storms.  So to experience a hurricane was quite interesting.

On the bulletin from the hotel, we were informed that we were to stay in our room from 9pm to 7:30am.  And in the case of the patio door being blown out, we were to put our mattress up against the blown out door and hide in the bathroom.  Great advice except that the wall between our sleeping area and the bathroom had a huge window as well.  It was a fitful night of sleep - the wind and rain thundered down all night.  By the time we woke up, it was still windy, but quite beautiful.  From what I read, there was very little damage done to the surrounding communities and I don't believe that there were any casualties.  Thank goodness.

Beautiful.

Miscarriage and hurricane aside, the rest of the trip consisted of lounging by the pool, drinking copious amounts of alcohol (I think I've had my share of mojitos, lime margaritas, and icebergs - corona w/ lime margarita - for the rest of the year!), swimming with the turtles, and indulging on tasty food.  The resort was beautiful and the service was excellent.  Next time, I must go with my husband.  It was fun but it just didn't feel right without him there.

It hasn't been a relaxing summer.  Normally at this time of year, I feel recharged and ready to teach.  Unfortunately, I don't feel well rested.  I'm exhausted and I hope that doesn't bite me in the butt and I end up burning out this year.