Just Call Me Grumpzilla

Today I start my birth control pills (BCP).  What?  I thought you were trying to get pregnancy? you ask.  Well, the RE (reproductive endrocrinologist) prescribed them so that we can manipulate my cycle.  At the end of this cycle, when I get my period, we start injections. Ugh...I'm not looking forward to that.  I was hoping to have all the major work (injections, retrieval, transfer) done during Spring Break, but now it looks like all the heavy lifting will be done the week after.  Annoying.  Everything about this whole process is just frigging annoying.  Where's my freaking baby dust?  Why can't anything be simple anymore?  

Yesterday was Sweetheart Day at school.  Every student in the school was given a heart.  The teachers got together and wrote wonderful things for each student.  It was a way to say, "You're special" on Valentine's Day - regardless if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend.  All 1,110 hearts were taped to the walls of the front foyer so when the students arrived, they found their name and their message.  The kids loved it.  And we staff members weren't left out either.  Students in the Leadership class wrote one for each teacher as well.  I read mine and for some reason, I was disappointed.  Don't get me wrong. It was a funny an inside joke between myself and two of my favourite students.  But I was hoping for something more heartfelt rather than humorous.  They wrote "Though I got a 1 on my provincial exam, I still like you" and "Even though I got a 6 and a 3 on my exam I still like you and miss your hugs."  I know it shouldn't have but reading that kind of put me into a funk all day.  Am I so lacking in self esteem that I need to get strokes from my students?  Ugh....  


I've just felt blue these past few days and I haven't been able to shake it.  I suspect it has nothing to do with the heart and everything to do with my former student teacher announcing her pregnancy on Facebook on Sunday.  Further, it probably has to do with the fact that this last, natural cycle was a bust.  It probably has to do with the fact that Sweet Cheeks is leaving tomorrow for a week in Toronto so that he can find work with another company.  It probably has to do with the fact that money is tight right now and will only get tighter in the coming months.  It has everything to do with the fact that I am not pregnant!  


I just want to go to sleep and wake up in 21 days.