I'm not alone.

Dealing with infertility is lonely.  Unless you've dealt with the inability/difficulty of having a child, you don't know what it feels like.  the emotions are complex and can be all consuming.  Most of my friends who want to be parents, are.  Those who don't, aren't.  I do have two amazingly supportive friends who have been there for me during these past few months.  I appreciate that they're there for me, but I don't ever let myself go with them.  The conversations are somewhat guarded - kind of a need to know basis.  I don't express my fears and apprehensions.  I make it very clinical.  


This week, I had dinner with a group of ladies that I graduated with 20  years ago.  (Insert reality check here)  MM was visiting from our home town to receive radiation treatments for a brain tumour.  She has an amazing spirit and is so inspiring and optimistic.  It was quite infectious.  What could have been a sombre evening out, was a dinner full of laughter.  MM will be back in 3 months to undergo a check up and possibly more treatments.  We've vowed to get together once again.  (side note:  what's kind of sad is that DA, Ms. M, Ms. L and I all live within an hour's drive or less, and we rarely see each other.  That has to change.)


Now, what is really interesting is that all five of us have had our fertility complications.  MM has had two miscarriages but now has two children (10 and 6); DA had a miscarriage in June but is now 4 months pregnant.  But what's really comforting is that Ms. M and Ms. L are in the same boat as I am.  Ms. L has been to Genesis, and she has gone through three IUIs.  Her husband desperately wants to be a father.  Ms. M has just started her fertility journey.  Because she hasn't been entrenched in this fertility war, she stated that "Oh, maybe in a year, we'll go to the doctor about it."  I looked at her and said, "You don't have a year."  Ms. M doesn't even know how to identify if she's ovulating.
I wouldn't wish this on  anyone.  Infertility sucks rotten eggs.  But it's incredibly comforting to know that I'm not alone.  Having Ms. M and Ms. L to contact about my frustrations, makes this experience a little more tolerable.  Plus, Ms. L and I appear to be a on similar time lines.


It's just so good to know that I am not alone in this.  I have people to turn to.  Be it my two BFFs or Ms. M and Ms. L, the support is there.  I just need to make sure that I ask for it.